Expectations: Of the People

I feel this synonym list works very well when it comes to what people expect from us, because it comes in so many forms. People just “want” the best for us, people “fear” the worst of that decision, and people “assume” we’re doing one thing and not another. Media just appears (only later to reign) and words are just representative of the numerous motivations that go into peoples’ expectations. If I had to pick two prepositions to relate people and expectations, it would be “by” and “from” – expectations set “by” people and expectations “from” people. 

Expectations can be set by people before us: friends, siblings, students or girlfriends before us who did or didn’t do certain things. It seems there’s always tension when we challenge expectation, quietly or loudly. It then brings up a question of should we change? We’re warned never to change for anyone…but, what if it’s a good change? Is the issue regarding the principle of change then squashed or proven?

Is it something we would do even if we weren’t with them?

Is it something we see validity in?

Is it showing honor and respect?

Can we modify it to a compromise? 

These questions—and answers—have guided me in deciding how far to “grow.”  

Expectations can be set by people around us: family friends’ children achieving alongside or above us, our socioeconomic environment that has built the infrastructure to feed us into certain levels of education, occupations, and income, and the culture we grew up and/or live in. This could be ethnic or religious culture. But, I’m also thinking of our personal, micro cultures. Mine is composed of small-town living with city sky-rise dreams where college is expected but we’re still applauded when we follow our destiny. One shared facet of this culture is being thankful to have access to education whether it’s in a nation that offers free, quality public schooling or not having to take out loans for what comes next…and simultaneously knowing that I’d endure the same slice (and what would be a whole pie WITH whip crème) if I did what my best friend did; for me, not going to college isn’t an option. Thankfully, I do absolutely love it and enjoy it; from the smell of textbooks to the inked feedback I wait for on my ten page papers. It’s the school decision where I get to personalize my life and make it my own.   Yet, I silently feel that heavy weight of expectation and see the track and path that external expectations have laid out for me. 

I’m often reminded of my expectations when I run into people; the common questions of catching up include school, my writing, and “Are you dating anyone?” or “How is X?” I like these questions because they make me that much more accountable to the things I said I was going to do (and do them), show me people were actually listening and remembering me, and inspire me to wait for nothing less than an amazing relationship to report back. It’s also a boost when I can confirm those things they were expecting of me; fulfilling expectation feels good because we receive that praise and/or elude that harsh/subtle/silent criticism of not coming through. 

But, who likes to answer questions that force them to admit failure? My school choice didn’t work out, “No, nothing yet, just still sending query letters to agents!” or having to admit a break-up and the subsequent tagline you have to cover with because there’s not enough time to explain and give them the full story. I remember when one of my best friends decided college wasn’t for her and in one evening, three people asked the same question, holding the same expectation: “Well, maybe you’ll want to go back later!” Despite the two different educational paths we’re on, I really hope we’re similar—or, rather, I hope I’m just like her to hold myself with such assurance and courage in the face of defying expectation. People’s reactions didn’t send her feet scampering back onto that campus, but planted her that much more firmly in her decision to soar into her career. 

These expectations from people are like a maze: wanting to run the perfect course and get to the exit in the shortest amount of time and most intelligently, while not crashing into any walls (mistakes). It’s also a maze in what we choose to share and omit from certain people. Do you ever have certain friends who get the whole truth and others who get abridged, cropped, and cut versions in order to keep their expectations? 

Why don’t we want to admit our rebellion against that which is their expectation if it’s our decision?

Because sometimes we know certain decisions are mistakes and trust us! we don’t need anyone else to confirm that anymore…! And I’m sorry, but it takes too much energy to convince someone I’m happy in my life, why I’m happy, and am I sure I’m happy? Yes—it’s my life and sometimes there’s no need for analysis.  

The bottom lines is it really doesn’t feel good to get judged, especially when it’s something we’re happy about. Some friends wonder why I keep so much to myself and it’s because I store up those things in my heart so no one can belittle them; they stay perfect and whole without birthing them into my conversation and put them at a guaranteed risk for enduring the measurement of what other people think. 

When we face their expectation and don’t measure up on their number line, we look like a bad person or less than who they thought we were. Thus, it’s just a lot easier to skip over something we’re not obligated to tell them. Ahh, the beauty of language and privacy of our minds. And even more glorious is the truth that it is not his, hers, or their life—but mine, one that is only obligated to the one I’ve given it to. 

Expectations are the things set before us that we are obligated and supposed to follow. We can create them ourselves, manufacturing what we've observed together with what we believe...BUT should we lack that within us, no worry--there's never a shortage of what people think we "should" do.