In Pixels and Print: Expectations from Media

Note: Be advised that the nature of this post, while not inherently or intentionally explicit, includes content that discusses the role and content of digital pornography as it relates to how the perception of this media influences relationships. There are no visual images included; only the ones created by words. 

Not only has technology made our communication more connected, but the way we share information—including pictures and videos. There are commercials, uploaded videos and pictures, music videos, video chats, texts with pictures, Snapchat, Instagram, attached photos on Twitter, and the photos that pop-up the in Facebook newsfeed. 

A significant card to play in this discussion is the sexual influence that has been brought that we must grow-up amongst, specifically our real world being judged against the fantasy pornography aids in creating. Yet, other meaningful expectations brought on by media also exist. How many times have you gone into Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest and found “inspiring” boards or images of physically fit girls? Is that supposed to “inspire?” Because it seems a comparison like that only makes you feel worse. You see that and can put it away, but when you look up, that image is still with you…as is that comparison you made of yourself when you saw that image. It’s this last part that’s the one you take with you and judge yourself with. Thus, the objective there totally failed—it only made someone feel worse. Regardless of their original aim, media sources and content inherently create expectations for ourselves or someone else who then measures us up against that for comparison. 

Have you ever changed the channel from music videos when your younger brother or sister came in because it wasn’t appropriate for them? Music videos are a great vehicle for putting image or a plot to music, but their influence and extent goes beyond the TV screen. They can perpetrate a lifestyle that isn’t reality, creating an unattainable fantasy that gives way to a frustrating battle to get there. There’s validity in the academic discussions that women do appear as objects or accessories in these clips, because they are simply “appearing” or acting in a way that makes them look disposable, or in a place that any other girl can fulfill. 

More heavily, while this interconnected web did not bring the advent of pornography, it did pioneer the accessibility and ease in which sexual media can be attained. Instead of having to ascertain a physical object, such as a Playboy magazine or adult VHS, one can silently and invisibly hide the images and videos that were once limited to only being tangible. It makes both concealing and garnering pictures and videos that much easier. No longer are you limited to the adult store’s inventory, but you have the world—literally—at your fingertips.   

For us, even if you don’t watch porn, you’re still up against the girls who participate in those pictures and videos. You don’t even have to be a part of it and it’s still the idea you’re “expected” to go by! That was a concept it took—and still takes—my mind awhile to wrap my head around. I’m making not be watching it, but I’m still stacked up against it: I may take strides to keep that influence out of my life, but somehow it’s still found its way in.  

With the Internet and porn, you can find whatever you want. The expectations are set up that you can categorize girls by hair color, body style, or action. There’s that instant gratification as you don’t have fight for anyone else or wait on anyone else to reciprocate your interest—it’s right there. It can be a new girl every time! The thrill of the hunt is always on. There’s no convincing anyone or trying to erode their hesitation into agreement; the experience is simply waiting for your fingers to type, touch, and enter. 

I see the expectations media creates manifesting itself in real life through: 

• being expected to perform those acts (and with the same fervor and oftentimes, lack of self-care in which they are enacted) (Can we say anal sex?)
• the debut of pornography into relationships
• the speed in which guys move on from girl to girl is so much quicker, you can’t help but be tempted to see yourself as dispensable
• being compared to someone else and judged not to be as competent
• …so to make up for that “incompetency,” you’re suggested to do “this” or “that” in order to create the fantasy
• distorting the tangible and intangible: you can’t touch the image before you like you can a human being, but your preference can be skewed by being rewarded by the girl in the video. 

What about the opportunities for personal pornography? I don’t mean making your own videos and photos for commercial use, but what you send over text messages, quick Snapchats, or show on Skype, for example. Not only are you creating a new expectation for someone else, but you might also have been the victim of someone else’s same actions, whether someone person in that guy’s life or what our world has created as a whole. It’s irritating, frustrating, and uncomfortable to have to stand up to that pressure of “Send me a pic ;)” when you know he doesn’t mean a family one. Not only are you left with “How do I respond?” but also, “What am I going to do if I don’t send that?” and that valid question of “Will he still like me?” It’s easy to say, “Oh, he’s not worth it if he wants you to do that.” He might not be worth it, but tell that to the feelings and the self that still likes him. And then…what if you do? Can you ever have peace of mind again once you send yourself in such a permanent way, not knowing the mobile “zip codes” that will see you and living with the threat that the breakdown of a relationship may send that image on its way in revenge?  And what will everyone think when they find out? Judgment is also a part of expectation, because it’s the result of breaking it. 

 A really popular discussion about the bridge between reality and online living is the point self-esteem and technology. Just yesterday I was talking to one of my close friends who was really feeling beat down by all the pictures of people on vacation, traveling, or having fun on Facebook. When you see images like that, it really does instantly bring up your life for reference and parallel the two for your own judgment. The goals of all these interfaces are for “sharing” and “keeping-in-touch,” but they have been manipulated by the wave of humanity and the tide of the human nature to involuntarily create expectation and exploit the result of breaking that belief. The biggest consolation I’ve found is lifting my eyes off of whatever form is before me and remembering that in-person is where I exist and all that matters; when all the pixels and seconds of video have floated away, I’ll be left with just me—so I’ve got to take care of “this” me, the one who lives in the world and not online or even in print.   

Expectations are the things set before us that we are obligated and supposed to follow. We can create them ourselves, manufacturing what we've observed together with what we believe...BUT should we lack that within us, no worry--there's never a shortage of what people think we "should" do.