I
have to stop this judgment and jealousy.
That’s the thought that instantly zooms into my mind
when I see girls and their boyfriends at the gym.
One day, I looked at this one girl and her
boyfriend, trying to smother my covetousness at their hand-holding affections,
his smiling words to her, and the fact she had him, period. I looked at her and
had to put on a new mindset: her timetable for heartache and ecstasy is
different than mine. She is running her own race.
We are running in our own lanes, and it’s so easy
(as you saw) for me to look at her and be angry that she looks so much farther
ahead than me. And maybe it’s not even her speed, but the aesthetics of her
track suit or the training she received before we left out of the gates.
But, she has specific lessons she needs to learn,
experiences to go through, and places she needs to visit—just like I have my
own for my life. She’s gone through different situations that have led her to
this point in the same way I have my own that have guided me to where I now
stand. I’m in one season of my life and she’s on her own journey, running the
MPH and conditions of her own race.
Not only is it viewing people in person reminds me I
need to remember my own path before me, but when I sit before the overwhelming statuses
on Facebook, the clever sayings on Twitter, and the visual feast of people’s
lives on Instagram, my life is vulnerable to a dangerous comparison. You don’t
have to understand writing code to manipulate those 1’s and 0’s. You can be
selective about what you post, picking and choosing the good, the bad, and the
ugly; it’s all about whatever emotion you want from others or the image you
want them to recognize you in.
But, we all have things that wind us—and make no
mistake, we ALL do, including the people running alongside us or before the
electronic screen we view. We all have our own hurdles to jump over. Our lives
all have different lung capacities with according healths of our own. We’re all
running in different altitudes!
Life wasn't meant to be lived with peripheral
vision. It was meant for us to focus on the sensation and experiences before us,
the things happening in our own lives. Those are the amazing things—because they
are ours. Let others inspire you…but, to go out and do your own things! Make no
comparisons!
Knowing this idea now, I write off any insecurity,
worry, and slight injustice. Whoever has caused my heart to draw back in
surprise, it stops and shakes its head, remembering this. They’ve got their own
race to run. I’ve got my own race to run; yes, I might have to wait while
others zoom by me, but it’ll be worth it when I reach what’s before me exactly
how I was supposed to. You’d think the same inputs would yield the same
outputs, but not for our lives; the same thing might not work for both races. I
can’t go take a regular job or pick up someone who’ll give me a relationship
today in the same way it worked for my friends or the strangers who walk beside
me. It’s not compatible with the condition of my heart or the status of my
motivations! Yes, I want success and someone to fill that picture frame with,
but on my own terms and in the course of my own race. Then, it is mine. (:
“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.”
- Janis Joplin, American musician
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