Is There Something In *My* Eye?: How To Tell If A Guy Likes You

I used to get so giddy at articles with this title; visually savoring the bullet pointed lists of signs that articles would hold which I’d copy and paste to save. As I read, I would mentally check the indicators off against my current infatuation or save them to reference for later. How awesome to find an actual guide with “How to…” on a subject I was actually interested in!

As I’ve grown up, the items from those guides have become the things I naturally pick up on: a guy’s looks, his interest in conversation, his mentions of hanging out…they’ve become standard. Today, though, I’ve wadded through the waters of infatuation and ages, finding that there are new signs and methods I have to add to my own guide (and am continually trying to become proficient in).

Now along with talking to someone in person, we have electronic means of communication where much of getting to know someone takes place after the day’s final bell chimes or we/they walk out the door of a place first. Texting is definitely a different medium of communication: we go by print and punctuation. Today, we have smiley faces and explanation points for emotion. Despite the fact you can silence your volume and throw your phone after you do it in order not to know if there's no text back, it's still scary to text; it's admitting your interest, just by existing and showing up on their screen. It's a risk of what will be done with it; if it will sit there or be acted upon by that person you’re interested in.

In text, his:

• texting first
• quick reply times
• replying, period
• especially if he says more than two-three words. Okay, more than four. So let’s just say…
• sentences
• smiley faces
• flirting phrases
• questions posed to you
• anything like the above that continue conversation

are signs of interest.

For social networking, can we say that:

• Liking/hearting
• Comments
• FB messages/Twitter DMs
• Twitter mentions/replies
• Initiation/reply to chat

are signs of interest? Social networking seems like it’s more about you as a person while simultaneously providing an interface to communicate with others; but, for the most part, it’s about personalizing your page and illustrating your life.

But all of these are just interfaces, or “a common boundary or interconnection between systems, equipment, concepts, or human beings,” according to the third entry of the word on Dictionary.com. Gray, blue, and green texting threads, crème and blue webpages, and photographic apps are places where clicks and words are the representatives of flesh, blood, and soul. The clearest and truest way to know if someone likes you is in person; after all, this is where we exist! (:

I remember overhearing a girl in my ninth grade state history class talking about how guys will text and then say nothing/act like they don’t know you in person. And it’s arguable which hurts more—electronic or in person rejection; the disrespect that someone wouldn’t even reply or the cruelty that we can replay before our mind’s eye.

Because, there's nothing like physical follow-through: showing up, when you finally cease electronic talking with "here," dressing up where you know they've changed and were quietly deliberate about looking nice (and smelling it). There's nothing like looks, but there’s also nothing like matching it with action—speech. With their image, time, and being they are making an investment.

Think about the guys you don’t like and the things they do that make it clear that they like you; there’s something about someone you don’t like liking you that makes everything they do magnified romantically. And, yet, when we want it, we minimize it; I don’t want to read into it in case it didn’t mean that, because if I do and it doesn’t happen, then I invested my heart and the fall, the pain will be there.

When we care, we shy away not to get hurt. Is it almost unnatural to abandon the defense and just for go for it? I think the defense is natural, but there is something so freeing and exhilarating about just going for it. Nerves might try to come along for the journey, but I won’t let them skew my memories with anxiety when I look back on it.   

And what about the super nice guy vs. the interested one? In cases where texts can’t make this distinction, here is where the physical chemistry, the interactions of where we live, help clear it up: the looks, your physiologies (“I’m freaking out in this personal public speaking, and with his stumbling, I think he might be, too!”), if there are dates, if it goes somewhere.

Sometimes it feels like you're pushing boulders to get answers. It takes everything within you and it seems you only gain an inch, it's going so slow. The one way I’ve always found to get me clarity is to just ask; to take the chance and mention going out. I'm the type who'd rather get the answer and deal with it. Oh, I've turned down my phone and left it tightly swaddled in my blankets, denying it oxygen to sound. But, I take that step out there and ask for the answer (whether it’s hanging out or another scary question) and eventually I check. I think in terms of that are off a tributary to cost-benefit analysis; if it doesn't work with one person, then I know now and I can heal my heart and move on to myself and someone who will care.

The bottom line is if a guy likes you, he will text you. If he wants you, he'll make it happen. As much as it hurts to admit when you think about your current person, you shouldn’t have to constantly convince yourself of their interest; love shouldn’t be like that. There’s kinks and stumbles to getting there and that’s what makes the adventure. (: But, love, at some point, should be undeniable, secure, and something to rest in.